This cycle I had decided to "test out my trigger" which means I take a pregnancy test daily after the trigger shot (hcg pregnancy hormone is the main ingredient) to watch the level slowly leave my body in the days after and hopefully start to rise again.
 |
| Testing out the Trigger Shot |
 |
| 11 Days Post Trigger Shot - very very faint |
I watched the second line go from a solid line to a shadow, but then something happened... It didn't fully ever leave. It came back. On May 23rd prior to heading to brunch in Omaha with some girl friends I took my morning pregnancy test and it was darker than the day before. I ran to Derrick and said I think this might be for real!! I think I am pregnant. The whole time in Omaha all I could think of was the desire to take more tests, have my blood drawn and know the outcome of this sweet little baby growing in me. Once I got back into town I stopped by Target and bought a bunch of different brands of tests and of course headed straight for the bathroom.
 |
| Line coming back into view |
The next morning I called Tiff Vasa NP office and told them my exciting news. We did labs that afternoon and I wasn't prepared for the number I got back. Hcg was 39, progesterone 68.5 (still on progesterone shots). While 39 is definitely pregnant, I was pissed, I was scared, I had seen this number before and it resulted in miscarriage. The rest of the day I was shaken, depressed, had no hope and was for sure that this would end up just as my other babies did. I was an emotional mess of tears, the boys were so concerned and tried to help comfort me. In that moment I had to share with them why mommy's heart was breaking yet again, how scared I was and they held me. My 7 and 3 year old held their mommy while I cried.
 |
| Getting a bit darker |
 |
| Jackson & Easton comforting mommy |
Wednesday, May 26th I had repeat labs drawn, I was a nervous wreck. I wanted to know but I didn't want to know at the same time. I didn't want to confirm my fears were real. I was working that day 7a-7p on Mother/Baby, I walked down to get labs drawn mid shift but had planned to not open them until I got home from work. I didn't want to have to continue working or receive more bad news while surrounded by new families and happy situations. I saw Dr. Friesen on the unit that morning and he tried to ease my fears by saying, "It could just be really early". I knew he was possibly right but I knew there was a chance just as before this wouldn't go well. After my shift I walked out to my car in the parking lot alone and opened my phone to see my lab results. To my surprise my hcg was 115 and progesterone 63. This baby was trying so hard to stick. I felt excited, guilty, nervous, love.
 |
| Couldn't stop testing |
 |
| Daily Medications |
Labs again Friday, May 28th showed my hcg was 298 (more than doubled in 48 hrs) and progesterone was 83.5, also nice and strong. Tried to become cautiously optimistic. Although, my heart just wanted to protect and not allow positive emotions. My family did the best they could to distract, encourage hope and offer support. June 4th, I went in for more labs, Tiff Vasa NP said they looked great and feeling good about it. Hcg was 4158, progesterone 64.5. We scheduled our first ultrasound for June 10th. Praise the Lord, Derrick could go with this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment