Trying Yet Again

After our miscarriage in July 2020 we continued to try for a third baby.  I began tracking my cycles via basal body temperature.  Every morning prior to moving/getting out of bed I would check my temperature and chart it.  After a month I was excited to see a pattern of ovulation and a biphasic temperature shift.  Woohoo maybe I am ovulating consistently.  My cycles ranged from 31-34 days, on the longer side but still having consistent 13 day luteal phases (period of time after ovulation).  

Basal Body Temperature (Biphasic)

We continued trying for a few months this way but were starting to feel like we weren't getting anywhere and I wondered if we would need a little more assistance.  I reached out to Dr. Friesen to do a progesterone check  a few days after what I thought was ovulation to confirm it occurred and thankfully it came back at 14.4 2/5/21. That cycle ended up resulting in a negative pregnancy test.

We decided to try a medicated cycle of Clomid 5mg cycle day 5-9.  We did an ultrasound to see how the follicles were growing on February 26th, it showed multiple follicles 14.2 mm, 12.8 mm, 12.2 mm, 9.3 mm, and lining at 8.52 mm on cycle day 13. They were growing but not quite mature for ovulation, we decided to wait a few more days prior to triggering ovulation and I continued checking ovulation kit at home to watch for a LH surge.  On 3/2/21 we checked an Estradiol level and it was 578.3 (typically each mature follicle will emit 200 , so this meant we had almost 3 mature follicles ready).  Derrick gave me my trigger shot that night. 

Starting 3 days after the trigger shot we began IM shots of progesterone to help supplement.  The two week wait began.  Thankfully I was busy with Vaccination Clinics and we snuck a trip out to Colorado as a family of 4 to do some hiking and quality family time.  Once we returned I tried to wait a few days prior to testing wanting to give as close to 14 days from trigger shot (this is a shot of hcg the pregnancy hormone, testing too early will result in a false positive).  

I took my first test on 3/16 and thought I possibly saw the faintest of lines.  I couldn't quite tell and held it up to all different lights, angles and took another one later in the day.  Since I was fairly certain with the second test I saw something I scheduled a hcg draw for the next morning.  On 3/17 we checked and hcg was 5, progesterone 29.2.  5 seriously?! That is the bare minimum.  I was gutted.  I figured it wasn't super high bc the tests weren't a blazing positive but I was hoping for a better number than 5.  At this point I knew this pregnancy wouldn't end in a positive manner.  We rechecked on 3/19 for doubling times and progesterone was 29.6 hcg 3.  We were experiencing yet another loss.  This time it is called a chemical pregnancy.

Faint positive

We had a chemical pregnancy back when we did FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) prior to conceiving Easton, so we had been well versed in what it meant.  Each of my now 4 losses has been different emotionally.  They have each been different circumstances, different emotional place going into it, different support, different spot spiritually.  They each have sucked, but in a different way.  I didn't know how to feel.  I felt pissed more than anything.  Pissed at the world, pissed at our situation, pissed at the timing, I didn't want to be comforted... I wanted to scream and be ANGRY. 

Since the chemical pregnancy in March, we started another cycle.  This time trying Femara as our oral medication stimulant. We have one dominant follicle this cycle and did a trigger shot to help release it.  I have had more physical discomfort and distention this cycle, but hopefully it is all worth it.  I am keeping myself busy with Vaccination Clinics, the boys, and prepping for a busy Summer.  

I am thankful for my support system of friends, family and co workers.  Certain women in my life that are going through very similar struggles to grow their family offer great support in that they know how it feels.  I like to lean on them and I appreciate their being there for me.  Loss, fertility struggles suck and goodness we need a tribe to help hold us together.  It is so easy to get into your head and feel so alone during this all, but we are NOT alone, we just have to reach out and help normalize talking about it and supporting each other.