April 21, 2021

Our Third Miscarriage

 2020 certainly has been a year of many questions, and unknowns.  In early Summer we decided to cancel our family trip to Hawaii due to the global pandemic and the strict guidelines on the islands.  Derrick and I have been hoping to grow our family by one more child and had prayed that it would be a smooth and quick process for us.  


One evening in June as we were getting ready for bed, I insisted that Abby needed a bath because she smelled like she had rolled in something rotten in the yard.  I handed her to Derrick to wash her up and he couldn't smell her gross stench.  He cracked a joke "Are you sure you aren't pregnant Steph?".  For a second I stood there thinking hmmmm what would be the chances our first cycle trying after coming off birth control would we conceive?!? I laughed it off and went to bed.


The next day I got out of work early around 12:30.  I went home to change and took advantage of a quiet house to take a quick pregnancy test I had under the sink.  Holy stinking cow!!! It was positive.  I couldn't believe it!  I called and left a message with the OB office to request labs.  Waiting for Derrick to stop home for lunch seemed to take forever.  I quickly panicked trying to think of a witty way to surprise him.  I placed the test on top of his water pitcher in the fridge and waited for him to grab it at lunch.  Tears, and excitement and pure joy.  

Rainbows the day we found out we were expecting


That afternoon I stopped over to the OB office for labs and hcg was 104 progesterone 15.9. We were elated and decided to tell our parents and my sister/brother in law.  Everyone was so excited and so shocked.  We waited for doubling blood draw 48 hours later where hcg went to 248 and progesterone 17.3.  The weekend was upon us and so we stopped back in a few days later for another blood draw.  


I was not prepared for this one.  I was totally caught off guard.  I just assumed that since we conceived naturally and the first two levels were okay and doubling that we were doing well!  When I got the chime on my phone that the labs were in and saw how minimal my hcg jumped I was soooooo overcome with disappointment and heartbreak (hcg 523 and progesterone 11.6).  I caught Derrick before he left to go back to work from lunch to update him.  


The next few days we spent praying that it was just a slow developing embryo, but in my heart I knew that it was not a good sign.  In the mean time we started IM Progesterone 1mL nightly.  On 7/1/20 I had my levels checked again, progesterone 36.8 (high due to injections) and hcg 596.  Confirmed that we were miscarrying.  We verified that the pregnancy was located in my uterus and spoke with Dr. Friesen to discuss options.  We ended up taking cytotec to help assist my body in passing the embryo.  


Derrick couldn't attend the ultrasound due to COVID precautions


The cramping, physical discomfort and bleeding wasn't as bad as I had thought it might be.  But, the emotional toll made up for it.  I was heartbroken, I felt like our chance and gift from God was taken yet again, and I didn't understand why.  I felt naive for celebrating and telling family so early just to tell them a few days later the bad news.  


On 7/23/20 we had a repeat blood test of hcg to verify it had returned to 0 and thankfully it had, no physical complications from the miscarriage.  We were given the green light to start again when we felt up to it. 

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