Infertility isn't commonly talked about. Infertility is a silent battle that many couples face alone, without support from others. Whether if afraid of going against their religion, embarrassment, or if they are just private people, there are many more that suffer than one might think. I am amazed after talking and being somewhat open about our fertility struggles that others came to me for support, advice or just to stand together and say "this sucks". I wish that our culture was more accepting and more supportive for those suffering from infertility.
I know that those of you reading this blog of mine might feel awkward with these topics and speaking with those that are going through struggles. Here is my list of my biggest pet peeves when it came to advice and comments we would get...
- Just relax and it will happen- This is so far from being true for 99% of couples who are having difficulty conceiving. We tried the relaxed fun baby making for years and it didn't happen, lets move on. I love what the Resolve website says... "Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility."
- It's just not your time- And you know when my time will be??
- You are lucky you can sleep in- Telling me that I am some in someway better off for not having children is so inconsiderate. I understand our lives will greatly change when a baby comes along but these are welcomed changes.
- God has a different plan for you- I struggled with my faith for periods of time while trying to conceive, but hearing that God supposedly gave them the in on what my life plan was didn't sit right with me.
- Complaints about pregnancy- I get it.. pregnancy can be uncomfortable, aches, pains, growing bumps and growing ankles leave a momma about ready to wave the white flag and surrender. However, to those who are unable to even get to the point in life that you are complaining about hurts. I remember hearing friends, co-workers, patients complain about the various points of pregnancy and think to myself I would give anything to have your aches and pains of pregnancy. I would pray for morning sickness, I would pray for swollen ankles, hearing your complaints are a constant reminder that you get to experience a part of life that I don't know if I will ever get to experience.
- The know it all- Unless you are going through IUI, or IVF don't pretend to know what I am going through exactly. I understand everyone has their own story and some people have an easier time than others but I don't want to hear how 'rough' you had it by having good old fashion baby making on no particular schedule in the comfort of your own home, without medical intervention.
- My friend got pregnant so easy after having a baby after infertility- Sure this happens, some women's body's can get pregnant easier after having trouble with the first conception but this doesn't mean it will happen for me. When I hear this it gives me no added hope. There are so many factors that we don't know, our diagnosis could be completely different, our medication regimen could be completely different, there is no way to compare and give me false hope that this might be our case too. I appreciate your friend and I am excited for them but it does nothing for me.
I know that we heard many things that I have since let roll off, but please if you are ever in doubt and don't know what to say to a couple that is trying to conceive, keep it short, tell them that you are there to listen, that you care and that you want to be there for them. The best thing that my friends, family and co-workers did for me was listen when I needed to talk about it, and ask for updates. I found this article on the Resolve website and I passed it out to my close family members so that they could understand where we were coming from. They have great information!!Resolve- Infertility Etiquette
No comments:
Post a Comment