One year... and our rainbow

One year ago I was in a very rough spot.  One year ago I had lost hope.  One year ago I was questioning my faith, God, meaning for my life.  We had just gone through such a trying 3 months of frozen embryo transfers.  A failed FET, a chemical pregnancy and finally our miscarriage at 8 weeks. 

To say this last 365 days has been a whirlwind is an understatement.  After our miscarriage taking time off mentally, physically, financially then to experience a true and utter miracle in March 2017 with the natural conception of our now 6 week old son Easton.  I cannot begin to describe the ups downs and excitement this year has brought us.

Although I am beyond thankful for my newborn son, who is healthy happy and a gift from God, I think about my little baby that was gone too soon last January.  What would that baby be in our lives right now, how would our life be different?  Would that baby look just like Easton does or maybe more like Jackson? 

I sit there at night nursing my rainbow baby boy although exhausted, sleep deprived and in need of a shower and think that one year ago I would have done anything to feel these things.  In the moment now these seem like negatives, things that I look forward to getting better and passing.  But, then I ground myself and think of the countless women who don't get to experience these things, going through heart break month after month that they see only one pink line.  

For those who are just starting, in the midst or just gave up, I don't want to offer you false hope saying "if you just relax" or "when you aren't trying it will happen" because that's bogus, those words don't help they just sting.  I just want to give you a hug, and know that I think of you, I pray for you just as I pray for my baby gone too soon.  I pray for peace in our hearts.

Easton Gordon Hensel